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Two summers ago I lived in downtown Atlanta where I ministered to the homeless while
interning with Church on the Street. In
those two short months I experienced and learned more about ministry and God than
I have in my four years here at AU. Two subjects
I learned most about were God’s love and my brokenness.
Before I
went to Church on the Street I thought I had to have my life altogether for God
to love me and be able to use me to minister to others. My relationship with God had to be on
par. I couldn’t be dealing with any
issues like loneliness and lust, and I had to be in His word and praying
daily. I remember sitting under many sermons where
the preacher warned me that God’s love will be taken away from me if I was
broken and sinful. I wanted to make sure
that I was loved by God and that I would be used by Him to minister to the
homeless in Atlanta. I wanted to be able to share with them how
Jesus had taken away all my brokenness and despair.
It didn’t
take long for me to realize my life wasn’t all together though. The months leading up to my internship in
Atlanta were marked with feelings of loneliness, lack of purpose, and no desire
to spend time reading my Bible and praying.
And my brokenness didn’t go away when I went to Atlanta. While I was there I still didn’t have much
desire for God, and I felt like I was continually running on empty. I was a broken cup that couldn’t hold any
water. I thought I was useless to God
and that He didn’t love me as much because of my sins.
As the
summer progressed, and I developed deeper relationships with the homeless guys,
I began to realize that I wasn’t any different than them. I was broken just as much as they were. We both had addictions. We both often times were lonely and
depressed, and we both lived sinful lives.
The major difference between us came down to me having clean clothes, a
family that supported me, and my ability to hide my own brokenness. However, the homeless had something I did not
have. They let themselves be loved in
the midst of their brokenness.
The
homeless taught me something that no preacher or inspirational speaker could
ever teach me. They taught me that I am
loved in my brokenness. They spoke to me
with their lives and let me know that I do not and cannot earn God’s love. All I can do is learn how to accept his love
even when I am broken. It’s not an
excuse for living a sinful life, but rather it’s the way in which we can
experience how wide, how long, how high, and how deep God’s love really is. This is the love that leads to being filled
with the fullness of life.
To James,
Scott, Clark and all the other guys living on the streets of Atlanta, thank you for teaching me that I am
beautiful and loved in the midst of my brokenness.
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